Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "leah_pontarlier" journal:
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Of Balls and Calls|
I hesitate at the foot of the stairs for along moment. There are a few people nearby obviously waiting for or meeting their dates and a couple of clusters up near the ballroom doors, but I have no one in particular to meet and so I have no idea if I should just go into the ballrroom or try to join one of the groups. I recognize Syl and Hermia and I think that means that the boy with the golden sparkles,turban and flowing short robes must be her friend Al and his date. I have no idea if they'd be okay with me joining them or not.
The way everyone's eyes seem to pass over me and away doesn't help. So feeling more the ghost than ever I slowly start to make my way towards the ballroom. I think breifly of what chaos might happen if I were to go out inot the middle of the dancefloor and perform the dance version of the Call. I won't actually do it. That would likely get me expelled. It was bad enough getting banned however temporarily, from Choir just for one accidental Call. The fact that I had to spend all last summer with the aunts learning to properly control it and learning all the different nuances and variations, such as Look At Me, Pay Attention and Come Here. How to focus it specifically and generally so that you can Call just one person or lots of people.
I won't do it, but I'm sort of tempted to precisely because I now know how to do it properly. And because it feels so lonely to be drifting through this happy crowd and have no one at all paying me any attention.
Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: After Dreams isolate-the Luna Sequence
motives for murder|
He slips the papers back into the envelope and the envelope into his coat.
Thank you, Leah,You have done excellent work. I fear that our boy, as you put it, has realised you are following him, and so I think your surveillance work is at an end. However, I am impressed with your work thus far, and would like to keep you on a retainer.
He takes out his checkbook and begins writing me a check.His voice is mild and even. A chill runs down my back at how very controlled he is. I can sense rage building and it makes me want to go pull the best and darkest hole in after me. Especially when I see how much he is writing that check for. It's too much money. But because the check also contains my fee for services already rendered I can't refuse it. And in his state any refusal could trigger an outward expression of his rage. I should have listen to Maryk. Too late now.
Take that money to assume you are on call. I will be in touch,
He says handing me the check with a polite smile. I smile back equally polite as I take the check. Trapped. My only hope to get out of this is for someone to hire me to off Him or for the unlikely but possible scenario of this resulting in the Shairans killing each other.
I breathe a nearly inaudible sigh of relief and anger as Al stands up and calls for his car. He leaves without a backward glance, our business is done for the moment. That bastard! I can't hardly take any other contracts unless I can ensure that they will not interfere with any thing Shairan may call me for. His way of diminishing my independence by trying to add me to his stable of employees.
I wonder if I could find out who would benefit the most and be willing to set up a contract on Shairan...
Current Mood: angry
fairy tale plotlines|
To me Leah is an Undine. Not just an undine, there are bits of other water fairy type to her but the basic shape of her personal story plot is based in the myths of Undines. The water fae who sometimes become human. I borrowed from others there are the hints of the Rusalka in her. And Naiad is not entirely inappropriate either. She is like all those things and more. She is the avatar and child of the River. She is Karina and Maryk's adoptive daughter. Their strange , even fey, daughter, who has to learn to be human.
Some notes about Leah:
Little things like, any garment that Leah wears will sooner or later become either damp or have the bottom become wet. and her hair will almost always be at least slightly damp I have very carefully not nailed down why her clothes get damp or have wet hems. This could be because she leaks small amounts of water a little for her own comfort or it could just be an effect of her frequent communications with Pontarlier. Admittedly Leah likes moisture so she will never make any great efforts to protect herself or her garments from it.
Current Mood: accomplished
Tags: extra details, notes, ooc
Saturday, November 21st(day 174)
Today it is cold. And there is much wind. I went down to the River, there were things I wanted to share with it. Such as the things I learned from talking to Harman last Saturday. And that I continue to have dreams which mix things up such as being the river and being myself. In those dreams I am often a combination of river and separate self. They are confusing, and I think I will go to the abbey again to speak with someone. Probably the nice woman I talked to last time. She was nice and good at explaining, plus she told me to come back If I had more questions, Which of course I do. I always have questions.
It was so cold down by the river that I started to shake as soon as I stopped moving. I remember Karina telling me to dress warmly if I went outside because she doesn't want me to catch cold and that is a bad thing because that means getting sick. and getting sick is not good. I don't want to get sick so instead of taking off my coat, I take off my socks and shoes. I dip one toe in the water and the information starts flowing.
Pontarlier is very interested in Harman and his family. It wants me to meet the rest of them and to touch them so that I can tell how much like me they are, and it wants to know more about the river they come from. Of course I will go and do this. I am as curious about them as Pontarlier.
The woods are beautiful with all the different colours the leaves have become I do not wish to go home just yet. I go to the bridge instead and sit watching the river pass under it.
Current Location: On the bridge
Am I a man dreaming I am a butterfly ora butterly dreaming I am a man?|
Friday October 24th,
I am part of the river and I, we, are searching for something. We roll over and under and even <i>through</i> everything in the riverbed. It is not here. We raise little spouts of water into the air above, and it is not there. We push and trickle into the muck below, it is not here either. Then a wondering occurs. What are we looking for?
My eyes open and take in the darkness of my room at the house. I look down at myself in confusion. I am wearing my white nightdress and my hair is neatly braided for sleep. But...moments ago I was was back. In the River. Properly. Like I used to be, before I was sent to learn, before i was me. I frown at that, going back over the memories.
Ah. it was NOT like before, I was part of the River but I was also me. There was an us rather than only I. Sitting up I can tell that I haven't been to the River because the nightdress is dry. but then why the memory of the River? I try to think about those memories and find they are not quite right not as solid as the other ones the proper ones. These are shallow and dart about like fish if you try to pin them down. Images and feeling rather than clear cut memories.
So. What are they? Images that are not solid and real, of things that did not happen. In some of the books I read, they talk of dreams. Dreams are things that happen inside people when they sleep. They are not real. This felt real but didn't happen. I went to bed and then I went to sleep, the usual nothingness. Then being with the River while we searched. Is this a dream? If so I don't like dreams. They make me confused.
I get up and go out to the River. I went several days ago because Pontarlier needed to know what I had learned but ever since our disagreement over making a deal to help Karina I haven't felt comfortable there. We've gotten along better since I brought the knowledge Hermia gave me and I've been reading the books as well. But It's not like when I first was. It will probably never be like that again.
This is new though. The dream. If that's what it was. and I want to share it with Pontarlier before it disappears entirely. I can feel it going, leaving my mind already. I hurry through the darkness even as the sun changes night to day. I am in such a hurry I don't bother to take my clothes off I just plunge into the water and let it close over me.
Pontarlier washes through me and the last bits of that unsettling experience slip out and away leaving me with only the barest of memories. The shape but not substance. I can feel the River thinking about it I can feel it doing so in the corners of my head but I can't tell what it thinks of those experiences, not til it lets me. I can feel that it is disturbed by what I gave it. It doesn't like dreams any more than I do. So I am told to find out about dreams and if it is necessary that I have them. I want to not have them but this one only made me confused becuase I didn't know what it was. if i knew it was a dream then I could deal with it. At least Pontarlier and I are in agreement. We both want to know more about dreams. It is pleased with me for having come to it as soon as I could. I miss the times it was happy with me.
I rise from the river a little reluctantly, I was happy in there for the first time in awhile. But I have things to do on land, information to find, that I can't find if I stay in the river.
Current Location: Pontarlier River
Current Mood: anxious
Books are the way the dead talk to the living|
Sunday October 11th, late afternoon
I need to do something useful and not here. I can't do anything more for Karina. The housework is all done for now. And I've read all of the books on hand which makes me think of the library and how I never made it over for a visit. Suddenly I know what i'm going to do today. I'll go to the library and look things up. I feel a bit lighter and therefore can even enjoy the nice weather on the way.
Cloudy but not cold. no rain but that may change. not many people about this time of day and definitely no one like Wanda or Syl. I get to the library it is a big square building made of heavy stone but it has a pleasant feel. I open the doors and step inside looking around in curiosity and wonder.
It feels a little like the River. Well like the River once did. I haven't been back much since getting the permission to make a deal with Syl for helping Karina. But this feels a little like that welcoming at home feel I used to get. And there are books almost everywhere! I take a couple of steps further in. I wonder what I'm supposed to do? I call out hesitantly, "Um....Hello?"
[Open to Hermia]
Current Mood: impressed
There is nothing to learn and I learn it very well|
[Tuesday September 29, Midday]
It has been six days since I went with Karina and Maryk to that last public gathering. There has been much to think on. I have been to the River three times since then. The last is today's trip. We have come to some conclusions but not others, for those we need more information. We have concluded that Pontarlier is either a god or some other thing. and that a person is a being that thinks and has the mysterious item known as soul. I wish I knew if I had a soul, I wonder how one can tell if they have one or not.
I put on the clothing I took off for my communion with the River. another thing I've learned is that before when I just walked right into the river, i would come out and my clothese would drip on things. Lena would take care of it but give me a long blank look as if she wanted to say something to me about it but couldn't. and Karina is so sick that she barely seems present. Niether I nor Pontarlier know what to do about her. Maryk spends much of his time helping her.
I think I will have to go into town by myself. I should go to the library and find some answers. i might also go to the Abbey, as Kate suggests and maybe they will help know how to help Karina. The town is large, and I don't know where the Abbey is. At least Glass showed me the library so I know where that is. I could have tried to go any day after that. But I didn't. So I think about that while I comb my hair.
I think the size of the town intimidates me. I feel nervous at the thought of just walking into town all by myself. Everyone i've met so far seems very nice and helpful but it has been explained to me over and over that this is not always how people treat each other. And the books also show me this. Sometimes people are very mean to each other. i don't want to meet a mean person all by myself. I don't know how to protect myself or how to be properly mean back which, from the books, seems to be what I'm supposed to do. I think they call it fighting. I should ask Maryk to show me how to do that but I don't like to bother him when he is busy helping Karina.
If I stay here i will not be helping, and i can't fulfill my purpose of learning what is going on. I am still learning things but not as much as if I went to the library. I would learn so much more if I went into town.
That settles it. I will go into town, to the library and learn.
Current Mood: pensive
From person to idea to god?|
Gods are an idea that people had. I don't know that people can turn into ideas.
I have a thought on this. an idea on how a person may perhaps become a god. or at least something like them becomes a god.
Step one. Extraordinary person lives and does extraordinary deeds. people gather around them who admire and even worship them.
Step two. person dies or otherwise leaves those others. A legend grows up around that person ans the ideas about that person gather and are filled with those others belief in that idea.
Step three: idea takes shape and power enough to affect the world or the people who believe and thus a god is born. The god version of the person may not be exactly the same as the real person but for all intents and purposes that person or their idea self has become a god.
Current Mood: thoughtful
If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.|
Monday Sept. 21st, day 113
Karina and Maryk's house, middle of the day
The days have been mostly quiet, the nights even more so. However I am very aware that there is something wrong. and it has nothing to do with why Karina and I went to see Mab. And Nothing to do with the River and the weather. It might have something to do with this election thing going on in town but if that's true either Karina or Maryk would said so. At least I think they'd have said so.
I know something isn't right. Karina looks unhappy all the time and she doesn't want to do anything anymore! Maryk also looks unhappy but he's not so so unenergetic. He's spending a lot of his time looking at Karina and then away at other things. I know there's something going on and I want to help. and no one's talking about it so I'm going to have to ask. Karina's out at these 'elections', I go to the porch where Maryk spends most of his time on days with good weather. i'm holding my skirt up with both hands rather tightly. i don't know how he's going to take me asking the kinds of questions I want to ask him. Still, I need to know.
"Maryk? do you know what's wrong with Karina? Is she ill?"
[Open to Maryk and later to Karina]
Current Mood: worried
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